shyammonk

She circled the child. Gliding Gracefully. At times smiling. At times sad. At times pretending sadness. She was a Roller Skater Mother.
In the beginning her reflections were seen in the child's eye as turquoise, orange and hope. When the circling continued and the space between the circle and child lay barren, unfelt and strange, the child dropped her head and got immersed in her own work with ribbons.
Deep within the child's understanding had formed, a kind blue bird that would fly the whole universe while colorful bands of wonder slipped through her tiny tender fingers.
The child would come to be known as the Great Silent One whom the Colors loved and obeyed. Turquoise and Orange would become her black and white.

The same cause can be seen in different ways. Cognitive distortion lists we use does this. Just that we did not have this understanding when the cause first happened, and we concluded in ways that were distorted. Analysis may try to unearth the cause. But since the interpretation, how we allowed the cause to affect us, how we behaved in response to the cause each time and since. This is what the natural behaviour we have that we would like to change since it is understood to be not needed.
Even if we understand the cause, the important thing is practicing a new response, a new internal thinking and scripting. A new natural process in place of the old distorted one, which we placed there because of the way we interpreted, due to our lack of understanding of cognitive distortions.
Since the same cause can be interpreted in a way that affects us badly or in an understanding manner, unearthing the cause will have low importance in changing it. Instead knowing that any situation can be seen as alright in the right perspective without cognitive distortions, one works to change the behaviour, the natural responses, inner chat and scripting. We left the unpleasant process one upon a time. Welcome it and realize it can be changed. The same way it could have been seen in a better light back then.

Death may involve changes. But there may not be a ‘motion’ or substitution. What exists exists though there maybe change.

The world, from me.

She was a very dark bird. She brought the wide eyed whiny lovable kid all that she could. She cared.
She found her bird mate. Laid eggs and had chicks from him.
She loved her mate. She loved the kid.
It is not an if – else relationship.
It was more like saying how much time does a chocolate weigh when you caress a mute lullaby.

The sudden mind brake – don't do. Associated with any action thought. Or maybe even just for the sake of it, and then find an action thought.

What is it really? Masochism?

Why would the kid want it? The pain, the fear, the fire, made her feel herself?

She could hide behind the block and watch the wonder.

It was scary for sure, but it was still wonder. World, she, she and the world, other humans around, stars and coconut trees and waves around. The whole thing looked so unmanageable and collapsible.

She wondered wide eyed, looking up at the clear night sky, sitting on her haunches, on the beachy sand, among tall coconut trees, through the exciting fear.

Life felt so strong and fiery!

Over generalization of the cruel, difficult to please world. bound to fail to impress and be loved. The reasons are embedded in the body, when guards of unpleasantness make the event magnified.

Humor kills anxiety.

Invited the dark unfriendly ghost of the world in, and offered some halwa, burfi and such (indian sweets). Came to eat me, but had the sweets instead, patted me on the shoulder. Come any time, move freely out or in, sleep here if you wish to…

The famous quote – no one thinks of you to the extent that it is an insult. If that is the general case, too much thinking of people who hate you makes no sense. The reasons from the past, they change, neurons shift, give a smile to the neurons. Invite the ghosts in and let them feel safe and relaxed. Let them sleep here, knowing that all is fine and no more do they have to warn me.

Thinking of the world of friends. People who have been kind to me, loves me, shows me care through words and actions. I remember them. And i choose to create and think of the world of friends as part of my gratitude for them. That is a more sensible world to think of anyway. And whatever i will accept in the future is a multiplication of the world of friends, because according to our rule, that is what we will choose to define as our world and the world i will think of.

The vast wide world, in my mind's eye. When a foul mouthed hooligan started appearing, i looked up and tried to look through the window of a nearby apartment. A mother in green saree making chappaathi. Her daughter playing with an orange turquoise balloon. She comes near her mother, mother looks down smiling at her while rolling the chappathi, and daughter hops back, back to her toys…

It is all options though after sometime we forget that what we feel and believe came from what were options ones. Options we chose from for whatever reason. Good thing, they are still options.

You did this because you… You are like this … One maybe able to try guess what is inside the box based on previous experience, conditioning, fears, urge to closure. What if you find a tag for the box describing what is in there really, or someone who knows what was found to be there, before. And what if all that turns out to be completely different from your confident statements.

Why would i want to be vulnerable that way? More than that, why not use some Nonviolent Communication to the extent possible and do things together, or keep things pleasant and wish that their be more freedom and goodwill.

Read somewhere that learning a new language in the later years can help reduce chances of Alcheimer's Disease. So (not really) i started learning Spanish and German using a CD set from foundation to advanced. The Spanish Cd has a very slow male and a nice female acting as the student voices. The German CD has a fast speaking male and female voice. The male in the German CD speaks fast enough for me to have to rewind and listen, while the female in Spanish has a very nice pacing and attitude. [It has started to sound like one of the A is taller than B but C is more enlightened than D then what is the name of E's car driver when F's mother is the passenger.] I love the slow learning, mistake making Spanish male student. Another example of not 'surpassing all others' and not being 'super ambitious & super intelligent' is found to be helpful (for others and oneself). The female is good too (maybe, but her voice and style is), she is bright but knows how to pace and do what is suitable for the situation. "adecuada para la situación"

A difficult part of music, struggling on, is good for my musicianship – not something to cry on or asked to be taken away from me. A clear Vertical growth opportunity is festive, a gift. It is so clear even about phases in life. A disturbance is welcomed – it is a matter of joy – like finding a part in a poem, where an improvement has been noted. Where a bug has been found solving which makes the program better. Like a rough patch to shine.

Undivided attention is an absolute instruction, that solves the problem for himself, of how much and the associated resource crunching calculations when it comes to people, the vague idea of the other and the big dark looming society ghost. It is simple : full attention to the person, full give, not expecting to keep a particular image that can bring a particular respect, not playing the manipulative or reading his heart rate to see if he is impressed and scared of you, not preventive glances and styles to keep him at a distance and afraid.

Let no one out of your heart is another absolute which frees up such space. It is never the person or incident or emotion, but the tags and pointers that we keep that matters. Revenge, hate, teach her, show him i am not naive, see how clever i am, i will show you what happens when you play that way with me, how could he… I get my supplies from somewhere else and she does not have to give anything to me. Based on priority of what puts me in ease and my understanding of useful and productive and positive on a general whole, i can avoid the interactions, but at the same time not take any action to push her out.

Thanks to masters for both of the above.