shyammonk

Zen in the Art of Archery describes a way of breathing where you exhale as completely as you can comfortably and then the breath takes itself in, then tighten the abdomen or press the breath in and then exhale completely. Repeat.

One good thing about this is, it is very clear and absolute. So when my mind is running around, and i see it, without going into further negotiations with the mind and self convincing, i can exhale out. How far? As completely as i can. Then the cycle takes over with the breath coming in naturally as i allow it. Keep it going for a few cycles and by then the confusions are in perspective. There is a distance from the unsolvable irritant, a reduced importance for the threat.

I find myself twisting and turning with anger and hatred and violent thoughts and vengeance and sadness and need for immediate results and depressive thoughts and so on. Then that leads to frenzy of activities which are assigned important status just because i think i need to be doing something – the habitual inner push says so.

At the same time i know the usefulness of being relaxed and calm in a sense of peace and positivity. Breath helps come back from the twisting and turning. instead of trying to do something for the sake of keeping busy. Nothing really to do? Breathe!

Here is Seth Godin's post on Sleeping Funny .

"If your bus is hijacked in the physical world, by all means do whatever is appropriate. If it is just in your mind, don't budge, keep going."

"Wolves and sharks all around, don't bother keep sitting."

A column or cloud of worry can stay, while i go ahead with my work – what next, what interests, what seems to be an option, creating…

By letting the worry go on and not trying to change it is not given importance. It is not made the core activity and so does not become a block. Worry is there, let it be, then i choose to go on with other stuff while the worry can stay or do as it wishes.

When one constantly comes back to breath, breath is given first priority always in any queue of choices. This implies how one has sort of understood how any of the mind terrain objects and movements can be safely ignored.

Implied action works while convincing does not. If I am not worried, my breath and body are relaxed and cute and i don't have to convince how calm i am. Any convincing comes from desperation. Trying to be calm means you are not. Instead come back to actions  imply being calm. Choose to concentrate or decide to keep working and moving on hence implying how you know the lack of reality associated with all the convincing stories the mind churns out. Not its fault.

While the worry can go on, one chooses to do what one wants to. The implication is very obvious, there is no violence or harshness or desperation for a change. I don't care what you do, i keep going. Smooth and beautiful.

Heard the story of an important botanist in the 1800s giving his apprentice a dead fish to observe for half a day, and then for three days. The first half day, after lot of boredom and curse, the student started drawing the fish and then he started seeing details he had not before. After three days the botanist apparently told him that he has not even started to look.

Transcribing in any form seems to be the best way to improve one's skill of observing, listening, seeing. Probably there is a natural time for the brain to fill up the basics and then one layer of details and then more. Of course jump learning or guess learning happens but it takes some time before the picture starts taking a recognizable form.

And one has to be able to listen and identify the nuances before one can play them. And more nuances recognized and played, closer to the skill one is, more recognizable form, more ability and details into one's own creation.

Jack Kornfield reminds us that breath when studied for long starts revealing the non solid nature of all. Breath itself becomes not one solid act but more of a combination of changes, differences, which actually it is, even if we look at it logically.

There is this unified law of transcribing, where in going to basic principles of transcribing, the field becomes less needed. The basic skills of observation and identifying and nuance prioritizing and guess learning skills can take one through different fields. After all the distinction of fields is dependent on the zoom level when looking at it.

Woke up in the evening and mind was racing. Went up to the roof and sat down.

"Let go let go" "none none" "attached to none""not needed just my mind" ….." "… "  "

What is that? It is, it is my skin. Is it cold now. Well, what is happening around? The sky, it is evening almost getting dark.

Then i realized how the 'tight hold' on 'letting go' was keeping me suffocated when there was this open space and sound and sight and smell and touch here now.

"We are all deluded beings" says a elderly master in the book Living and Dying in Zazen Good that he said that or i would be harsh on myself each time i notice how deluded i am.

Trying to guess the result = trying to feel my capability.

When I am whining to myself to not do something, and when i notice the fear of what if the result is not favorable, i am just looking for that someone all powerful to come and tell me that it is going to be fine. It would have been good if the result came first and then i could do it – but then it does not happen that way.

A little bit of courage could be of use. Even after enough history to keep going firm, one stops and whines like a ritual.

I remember a scene where a younger guy keeps polishing his gun when an elder one tells him with a smile that it is shiny enough.

One just breathes, remembers all is fine, keeps focused and moves along the narrow path. Jesus told us about narrow paths and Krishna told us about Just Doing…

Coming back each time from arguments inside.
One sees that arguments are from feeling of incapability when the problems assume untrue reality. One feels not big enough against the problems when they loom there out there engrossing one's whole world.
Then one just leaves it and comes back, knowing the assumptions are not real as they seem.
the thoughts that seep out like algae and blue splashes and banyan trees and tentacles around and everywhere, making a whole hostile world – do not exist so in reality

Chanting is useful because it is something really solid to come back. Chanting needs your attention to execute without missing. When chanting loud one hears ones voice like a remembrance of where ears are – reminds one of physical boundaries. Sound is something that mind can hold on to. Then there is the physical motion of one's mouth. A solid something to note and snap back to when one is floating out into becoming more than body, bigger than one really physically is. Tangible enough. Even looks like a big strong ally when one feels weak alone before the problems.

There is a very constant subtle irritation that occurs from our need to be bigger than what one is. A need that comes from the feeling that one is not enough – big enough, correct enough, clever or capable enough. Not immortal enough(!). Almost like pushing to the walls when the well furnished big suite is all yours to rest and relax and move around. And subtlety may not be possible when the breath is pushed to the upper extreme. Seth Godin on subtlety.

"Neshi balasyedi chared adharma" – whatever you do with the feeling of incapability is adharma. The sanskrit statement from Mahabharatha, interpreted to this better meaning in Bharathaparyadanam by Kuttikrishnamaarar.

Not doubting, double checking. This means you have to be really present there. Time is saved at that one time, and cumulative and even because one may actually do something than wait for ever. Being present there keeps you mind alert so the performance or product is better than with the double checking mind full of doubts and inefficiency and excuses and feelings of adequacy.

Multiple choice questions – reading the question ones, glancing through the 5 options and almost 'feeling the right answer'. Or deciding to skip if a conclusive answer could not be felt.

If one was playing guitar on stage, there is no space for double checking – it is real time moving from note to note while aware of what note one is now, where one is moving to. the notes further from there, the overall view, the feel, what one is supposed to express which will dictate the dynamics and style.

One moves on and one feels so good after being present this way. It is also about releasing the overcautious habit, which is never needed. Part of Daring to be Average. A healthy, fully present let go.

It feels so good to be present and be on the move while doing a job. Instead of spending time on worries and convictions and double checkings.

It extends to going ahead with starting things instead of planning endlessly, double and triple and infinite checking to do lists and brain maps, assuring oneself of one's capability and where one supposedly stands.

Chris Brogan's post : Waiting for

Suzuki-roshi talks about "Burning Completely." He says:
In order to not leave traces with your thought, when you do something, do it completely
with your whole mind and body. Like a good bonfire, you should not be a smoky fire,
but learn to burn yourself completely. Throw yourself wholly into whatever you do.
 

If we left writing the way we leave many things after trying for a month or 3 months or 3 days or a week, thinking we don't need the talent, most of us would not be writing. As an aside, probably these days most people just type.

Having learned to write, ride a bicycle, play the guitar, things that take some time helps as supports when going gets tough later on in tasks which have a learning curve.

Chris Guillebeau talks about the four burners theory – family, friends, health and work being the four burners. To quote the original : "The gist is that in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two. "

It is known how most professional musicians have a childhood spent in hours of solitude with just their instrument. Some of us have childhoods without much family relations or friends for one reason or the other. For me, i feel that really improves your skill burner. I don't know if there are other prerequisites which are needed to make sure the kid turns to skills and learning instead of something else. Curiosity maybe a prerequisite. Later on you may even have characteristics which a medical model psychologist can label as symptoms of schizophrenia or something else.

Forced or otherwise, cutting off the burners and getting the skill burner going seems to be good enough to forget what one lost because of the absence of the other two burners. Each of us have different lives after all. What to do Accept.

When the family and friends burner is off, it even starts feeling like you are entitled to have the skill burner running full and its effects. Sort of like tapas – single minded focusing and pleasing the god or goddess. Even if there is no god or goddess to be pleased, tapas does help you break through thresholds in skill, keep the mind from giving you alternate options and really going for the skill instead.

Seth Godin has a post on something similar.

1. find protection from enemy
2. let go of the enemy
3. know that enemy is not there – no need for protection or compromise
4. invite the enemy in – it may be seen that she does not exist as different from one. Only me again.