shyammonk

One

Sometimes i remember that 'if he could do it, then probably my idea of being stuck or it can't be done is not true, even though i cannot feel it now.' Caught within the box. Unstick. I can be peaceful because Dalai seems to be or similar. B does not seem to be afraid of that the way i am, so maybe i don't have to fear it either, though i can't feel why not.

Two

Noticing myself doing some whining in the name of frenzied problem solving, i remember to say 'wait one second, ha' as if taking a break from a whining acquaintance. Then i breathe myself some soft breaths, pick myself out from where problems worries and the world as i know it sticks to me. A bit of freedom. A bit of not touching any walls but just relaxed in ones existence.

And then, it always happens that suddenly the hitherto unseen exit or path or option is obvious. It could be as simple as 'try both' instead of convincing oneself how 'A is the only way to go. do it do it do it, you…'. Too much hurry? Too much other oriented? Too much of imaginary unknown perfect means to doing things? And the idea of 'super society' and 'super beings'?

It could be because the focus shifts from 'it can't be done whining' to just a suffused interest – as if watching the premises calm and quiet, looking for what is there.

Always, this solution is such a soft feeling, a very small voice, one that can appear when i am kind pleasant peaceful person within myself.

1 Day Rome  Builder Bootcamp aka Build Rome in a Day Kit aka Rapid Rome Building Course

I want the whole thing to happen now. Trying to do it in one day. To sing perfect in a day, to achieve the target now, consciously. To program or arrange the song to perfection. (The general skill of arranging or that song in particular.)

It can't happen that way. Learning, skill improvement doesn't happen because I 'think it so'. This sort of learning does not happen in the conscious area. When i am playing a lead, a GM7 chord, i am not thinking of placing my fingers. I had to think about the fingers when i started, and there was no way from there to get to what i can do now, in a day.

If i know how to practice, what to practice (roughly), then keep practicing, keeping the body and mind relaxed, instead of trying to reach for goals in p erfection. Slowly over time, things get better.

I know this, still i have to remember to not let it hinder learning or skill development or creation.

Keep the distance

Deciding, especially when there are so many options, criteria, parameters, knobs, buttons, instruments… Instead of going ‘with the flow’ which may seem natural but is nothing more than habit and desperation before the need to decide from the plethora of options. Just another option paralysis.

Playing with guitar and singing to make music is easier because there are less parameters to decide on. Sitting before the sequencer with any number and type of instruments or arranging options to choose from, making decisions is so tough. so tough that one just keeps going with what is easy and habitual and end up dissatisfied

Stop, have a distance from the tool, decide before i do. That way, one can decide to do something new, even beyond ones easy skill level and work towards making what one has in mind, almost like transcribing someone else's work.

i was trying to avoid ideas. to the point of hoping that they did not exist. because i was pushing myself to make them into product and make money out of it. each and every idea that could sprout. well that is sad, strain and unrealistic.

i was asking for the death of the same creativity that i so much love.

no compulsion that i should do something.

that i should make a product out of it.

that i should make money from the product.

relax, see the beautiful points and ideas suspended around – this is heaven. i love them for being. i love my mind, busy or racing or calm or beautiful or curious or searching or waiting for.

Doing it a bit more when tired, when the mind wanting to think and get into usual routines of worry. Continuing the work, the intention gets better, because now the intention is very conscious.

It is not about pushing.  Letting go of the brakes, noting the automatic flywheel that started running from habit. One sits inside, in the 'may it be done' mode, letting all the chatter and movement to happen, while the focus is on the work. Without effort, but there. Next action and the next and so on is allowed to happen.

A nice way to understand the mind without fighting, and the work gets done. Instead of going for the usual whinings, how one can't, how one should not, convincing how something is the right thing to do.

An intelligent one once told how he would read to the 26th page if he felt like stopping and getting into the meandering by 22nd page. "keep the backyard clean" he said.

"Will is of the self" we have been told.

It does clear a lot of things. The obvious one being freeing us from the habitual movements of the mind and associated baggage by having a strong reference – coming back to work amidst the moving mind.

Not because one is motivated. Not looking to convince the smoke around, not looking for security from ghosts who won't be there if i did not make them, not ready to be scared by 'unnecessary predators' who lurk only if i allow them.

How one carries the weight around thinking they are integral and helps one's movement, while they are just weights that one made and carries around. Maybe because one feels less lonely that way, when one imagines the 'ungraspable predators of insecurity'  knocking at the door.

When there is only me, if i want to do it, i do it. One realizes how it is 'not out there, just in here' and then, 'not even here'. Motivation being just a little pack of snacks.

The girl stopped, turned back, said "When i wanted to sleep, i would just roll all the thoughts that came the road. Some intelligent ones called it sorcery once. You will call it 'Attached to none', 'open cognition' and think of me as wise. Back then i didn't know it could have a name or label. I am no more surprised or feel awkward being a little girl among the giants. My mind now knows the reason how this could happened, how the years had started much long before than i consciously knew. Thanks for the gift – from me to me." and floated away like a feather on a moon beam.

Much of what i know about Buddhist 'techniques' is from Jack Kornfield. Here is a list of techniques he talks about that helps see the mind's movements :

A) Letting go or letting be  B) Balance C) Suppress D) Sublimate E) Aggravate/Exaggerate

This is what i do these days :

1 . Containing the breath, keeping it in a soft relaxed place within the body, within the abdomen. No push to exhale nor inhale, just keep it within the size available for each breath. This feels like luxury. Cuddling the Little Breath Cub. (Letting go, letting be but more focus on ones relaxation than exploration of what is)

2 . Chanting remembering the first letter of each word  (concentration, suppression)

3. Aha, oho, seeing whatever comes, listening accepting whatever be (letting be)

4 . Looking at it asking what can you do (conversation with oneself, clarity – it is letting be with focus on the experiences)

5 . Not needed just my mind, not true just my mind : just remembering the reality of it, and helping remember that i already know this reality. How it is just in here and not out there. All i have this small body and all the menace in the world is within that! (strong let go – not even looking at the nature of that particular irritation)

More and more i am tending to 'not needed, not true' and just leave the irritation without giving importance, knowing it is just within my neural pathways – 'in here not out there'. And coming to cuddle the breath in peace. "As if in deep sleep"

It is interesting to see the 'rogue attempts of the mind' when i have more time to spend. Either 1) saying aha, oho, yeah right, absolutely, yes sure i am that, oh yeah why not OR 2) facing it square

Facing it square : This comes from the obvious understanding that it is just in here and not out there. So the 'terrible things that i am accused of' are looked straight at as i would a trouble maker on the street. Straight, no escape. Because there is only me and this is my 'territory'. Then, slowly release the aggressive part of it, and be passive and rest in the knowledge of only me. Cuddle breath, in case i did not mention it before.

The landscape is getting more and more interesting, Meeting the Rogues.

When thinking of what next, the search is on on what has been. Then trying to build the next on what has been. For one, the past exists only to the extend one wants it almost like one makes it as one wants at will. Two, one has the choice to make something new with what is now, and what can be. Skill or resources missing for what can be made, can be filled up as one goes.

Stuck with a sticky thought, persistent irritation. Jump from there, as soon as the sticking tries to happen again, jump again, keep doing this. Jump here, there and back and forth and there on to the side, on to the wall… Freedom.

Non sequential, without reasoning. Attached to none.

"The restless waters of the lake appear to make the moon dance" – one doesn't really care that much for the restlessness as one thinks. If it can be put away with, that is all one wants – not any particular resolution. Sequential or non reasoning or whatever…

1.       If it is solvable, probably I would have already solved it or known the solution or sensed where the solution could be.

2.       Maybe I already sense the solution; I just need to be a bit silent to see it being there below the smoke.

3.       I am not at a disadvantage. I have what most other humans normally have. So if I can’t see the solution, I can be just kind to myself. It could be what we call the human limitation. One can accept it because that is what any human can do.

Masters seem to be good examples on how to relate, how to be. Their teaching seems to be through how they do than the words they say.

Faith : one can't feel but one knows it should be true and possible. That so many masters can't be lying.

I have a past. The masters seem to promise that the future can be Peace of the Buddha. A future in terms of perception steps – perception as now to Peace of the Buddha.