shyammonk

Over the phone I asked her thrice the same question and pushed for the answer she had already confirmed. "Oh my god !" she exclaimed. i realized i was acting anxious and tensed and pushy, just blurting out – i confessed i was tensed because … (reason).

Then started the well known depressive, i am not good feeling which basically sounds like "see i irritated her. i should be able to be calm. she hates me now. however i practice, i am abnormal. after all, i have been obnoxious, irritable, irritating, anxious, tensed, tension making,  for such a long time that i should be stupid to believe i will or can change. i am awkward, never going to get better" No hope in life

Magnification The whole situation can be brought down to life size. For many weeks now i have kept my cool and the change has been on a basic level where i have enough space to remember to be pleasant and the body has been calmer. Maybe it is not that bad a situation. Maybe i did not act that bad. I did not shout or get angry.

Mind reading I am jumping to conclusions about what she thinks. it may not be so magnified in her mind. she may not hate me

All or nothing thinking In many weeks, it is just this once that i got a little pushy. I have made a good change and become much more pleasant and caring in relations. Imperfection is fine. i am imperfect but that need not let me make myself feel bad.

Disqualifying the positive i have changed in the last four months visibly and at a stable level. One instance does not disqualify the whole positive change which is continuing.

Over generalization That i am awkward, irritable etc. Many know me as a pleasant person, nice to be with, kind, honest, understanding and stable.

Fortune teller error I will never improve is not true. I have already improved and i will improve further. "i am not unlucky nor stuck!" I can learn and i have control over how I respond – the space to take decisions is getting better.

Labeling I am obnoxious, irritable, awkward, x… a… ab… I am none of them.

Should statements "I should be calm…" Should statements result in guilt, anger towards oneself, frustration, resentment. Of no use!

The distortions are from a list in the book Feeling Good by Dr.David Burns. It really does help when one decides to note what thought precedes each depressive feeling and search for the relevant distortions and talk back. Slowly, just finding the distortions itself seems to bring relief.

Looks like i just need a reason to let go of the depression causing routines of my mind. Giving them names from the distortion list, distortion being accepted as something that i am alright without, and the process of using the distortion list showing my intention to get over with the routines, my reasoning mind now has a reason why the other is let gone…

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